Have you ever met someone who swore they would never get married again? They had been in a relationship that went south and they determined they would never ever let someone get that close to them, ever again!
When I met Michael, that was one of the first things he told me. He had screwed up his first marriage, married right out of high school, had three children and took a job where he traveled out of the country every week. After 15 years, his wife had an affair with his best friend and they ended up in a divorce.
Then two years later he re-married and was bound and determined to do it right the second time. But he didn’t take into account he married a woman who couldn’t open up her heart enough to be in love. She did love him, but she was always looking for something better or more interesting.
When we met in 1989 he was as angry as he could possibly be. I asked him if he had anything to be grateful for after his marriage and he literally couldn’t think of a single thing.
I asked him if he had developed a relationship with his two step-children who were the same age as two of his own. He agreed he had a great relationship with them.
I asked him if he could remember any good times he had spent with them and he could.
By the time we spent about an hour talking about the positive side of the 15 years second marriage, he had a completely different perspective on the relationship.