My father and I started having long conversations about his experiences. We had started a new era of a functional relationship and I knew my mother was not pleased with the results. It didn’t mean they came to visit me any more often.
Healing relationships can happen from many experiences. I had not told my parents I was getting my pilot’s license because their or more precisely my mother’s reaction to the things I would do, such as auto cross racing and snow skiing was “I was being foolish and wasting my time!”
I never understood until weeks after my father told me he was proud of me I had chased all of those extraordinary experiences was to prove to my father (hopefully both of them) I was unique or I had something special they hadn’t noticed.
Just like that, my heart dropped it’s shield and I realized I had loved my father unconditionally all the while, still not trusting my emotions with my mother.
But it was definitely progress and as they say, “One out of two ain’t bad!”
Our relationships with our parents will typically not only dictate how we become as adults, but will overshadow our relationships with others as well. When we have healthy parents, we are more likely to seek healthy adult relationships. The more dysfunctional our relationship is with our parents, the more discord there will be with the people we choose throughout our lives unless we become aware of our patterns.