I have no idea what gave me the idea I could be capable of such a monumental task, but we did manage to get through the three years without too many mishaps. I learned a lot about myself and found out years later how much he appreciated what I had done.
Relationships take turns; get bumpy at times and sometimes hit dead ends. When it involves our families, it is more challenging since we all seem to be under the impression we are supposed to love each other unconditionally. It is wonderful when you experience that level of family connection, but I don’t believe it is as typical as it could be.
Parents often believe they are doing their best to help their children by recommending a different direction than what they would like to pursue. Children might interpret it as criticism. Parents might not realize how they had to spread their own wings and fly solo until they could soar gracefully through their lives. And then, how many parents actually accomplish that feat?
I am not advocating people stay together for the sake of their children when the relationship has deteriorated beyond hope. But to create an absence abruptly and drastically will cause long term repercussions, especially with daughters and fathers.
I worked with Roger on why his relationship had drifted into a non-functional state. He told me how his wife had developed friends she didn’t share, activities he wasn’t included in and eventually even avoided any intimacy.
It is difficult to say the least to stay in a relationship when it feels empty as Roger explained. He said he had more fun with me in three days than he had had at home in three years. It was a glimpse of what he had been missing but choose to ignore until he was reminded what he had previously shared with his wife.
He agreed however to find a better solution than moving toLondon. He didn’t want to jeopardize his daughter’s male relationship point of view.
I’ve known women and men who couldn’t get through a single day without talking with their parents. Is that overkill? Who’s to say? I’ve know siblings who are inseparable. Everything they do has to be planned around each other. What is a healthy balance? Is it even wrong if it works for them? Maybe their spouse’s don’t appreciate the frequency, but that is individually up to them.
My siblings and I were never close. We would not make an effort to call each other although I would go to my sister’s once she had children because I enjoyed the boys. Then once the eldest of my brothers moved back to California I would make the effort to re-acquaint myself with him and his family.
I had always felt closer to my youngest brother because I had taken him away from my parents when he was 15. I was only 24, but I wanted to make sure he had a better chance of growing into a more functional adult than I had.