Overcome Abuse

It is best to start with small steps. Practice with people you work with, then your family. Each success will give you more self confidence. Every milestone should be celebrated.
When I achieve something new, even writing a new book, I reward myself. Whatever I accomplish deserves to be acknowledged. Sometimes the rewards are small and seemingly insignificant to an observer, such as taking an entire day off (which is very rare for me because I enjoy what I do). Other times I will make a purchase of a ring or a watch or even a new outfit for speaking. It’s my way of giving me a pat on the back.
I believe it’s important to acknowledge the wins in life. I believe it creates a momentum and more successes follow. At least that is how it has worked for me.
Recently I had someone tell me they were bored. I can’t imagine being bored. In fact I’m not sure I have ever spent a moment being bored even during a class lecture I wasn’t fond of because my imagination takes over and I can project myself into a more pleasure consciousness.
I probably developed the habit as an early coping mechanism when I was a child because I can’t remember a time when I didn’t practice the technique.
There are many types of coping mechanisms. My mother read constantly. She could escape the reality of her world by emerging herself into the stories.
Some people cope by avoiding what is bothering them. I have done that at times when I felt I needed a break from working so hard on the processes.
There are also those who avoid what they don’t want to work on by using alcohol or drugs. And probably the most frequent technique is to be in complete denial.

Overcome Abuse

I spent the better part of 25 years searching for a resolution. I truly did not like investing so much of my time mulling over the past.
Many years ago, I was in a training program in Los Angeles when one of the instructors said “It’s okay to look at your past, just don’t stare.”
The simplicity of that statement is very impactful. It hit home, yet it still didn’t resolve they discord I felt. Intellectually I understood, I had dysfunctional parents who continued to exhibit their abuses even after I became an adult and three siblings who were suffering from the effects as much as I was.
The difference was my brothers and sister ignored how they felt. They drank too much and got high too much and got angry and the little things in life to exhibit their frustration, but they would never talk about how they felt. In fact if you heard my sister talk about our upbringing her story is polar opposite of mine. You’d never believe we were raised in the same household or had the same parents.
Both of my brothers would literally shrug it off. “What’s done is done.” one would declare. The other would laugh and say “I’m okay with it.” The real problem was they passed their discord on to their children and their spouses.
I knew everyone had to process it in their own way, but I never understood why I literally could not let it go or shake it off or just move on with my life.
In hindsight, I can say it is because once I found resolution and discovered a peaceful centeredness within myself; I realized what I had been chasing all those years. It was through my healing I discovered the process of how to help others learn to let go of their past gracefully, while finding their own peace.