Point of View

I worked with both of them on a series of questions based on my findings: they were fighting for being in control. Usually that stems from feeling out of control as a child. Possibly one parent or even both parents could have used a combination of behavioral tactics such as yelling, physical or emotion abuses to insure Dave and Cathy were overly controlled as children.

The next evening during dinner, Dave and Cathy approached me to tell me they had gone through the entire day without an argument. It was the first time in their marriage they had been able to do so. They were holding hands and I noticed Dave’s hand was holding firm with Cathy’s indicating a strong emotional connection.

I didn’t hear from them again until the end of the cruise and by that time they reported it had been five days and still no more arguments.

I’m sure they have had arguments in the years since but hopefully not as often as they had prior to the cruise.

My brother termed the constant bickering concept as “salt and pepper”. It’s a concept where two people argue the food needs more salt while the other insists it needs more pepper. Neither one is wrong but they each want to be right. Yet it has nothing to do with right or wrong. It has to do with their individual tastes.

When you think back, how many times have you had arguments which were futile? No one wins everyone looses.

I’m not suggesting you spend a great deal of time delving into your past, just be more aware of your patterns in dealing with conflict.

 

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