Observing

My mother never realized it was her action of raising her hand as though she was about to slap me that was the cause of my stuttering. My parents never understood their arguments and especially the yelling would create a rebound effect in me that would have me avoid confrontations throughout my life. The list was long and the solutions were far and few in between.

Have you ever felt as though you stumbled upon something that was absolutely perfect for you at the time? You might have stopped at a restaurant and it was at that very same time your future spouse would be. You might have experienced a moment of déjà vu or a feeling as though time were suddenly standing still.

I’ve had many experiences like that in my life. I noticed the familiarity of the experience when I was in my late twenties and realized I had to pay close attention to what was going on around me. I knew there was something significant about to take place and it would alter the course of my life forever. I even developed a method of taking a step back as though I was observing my own life from another point of view. I didn’t want to miss a single detail.

The first time I reacted in this manner was when I met my future husband. I was working at a typesetting shop in Lafayette and when he walked in the door, all of the noise from other’s conversations faded in the background. He was talking to my boss about his newsletter but I was feeling as though I wasn’t even connected to my physical body.

It frightened me and I retreated. When he came back to pick up his newsletter I was the only one in the shop and had to wait on him. He asked me out and I immediately said no.

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